the committee meeting

          Lately I’ve been off-balance, and now I know why. It’s the committee inside. A few members are trying to take over again. They’re so loud and strident that I can hardly hear the others. In fact, lately I’ve been forgetting that there are others.

     The ones who are trying to take over are feeling unsafe and threatened. They’re scared of losing control. That’s because change is on the horizon, and they like status quo. Change scares them, so they go into high gear trying to protect me. They come up with long to-do lists and tell me that, if I can just get those things done, I’ll feel safe and in control again. I know they mean well, but they’re making me as tired and anxious as they are.

     So this morning I spent some time listening to the other committee members -- the ones who haven’t had much airtime recently. I liked what they had to say.

     A few of them are actually excited about the change that’s coming. They like adventure. They’re sick of same-old-same-old. They want fresh air. They reminded me of all the possibilities – new experiences, new people, new ways of thinking and seeing and doing. They say that I’ll feel a lot freer when I stop trying so hard to stay in control. They want me to start letting life flow with beauty, ease and grace. I like how I feel when I listen to them.

     There are other committee members who want change, too, but they have a different focus. They mostly want me to love. They want me to treasure other people and music and myself. They don’t want the to-do lists to get in the way. They want to simplify. I like that idea, too.

     Now that I’ve listened to everybody on the committee, life feels balanced again. I’m glad I called a meeting.

 “May the Lord . . . give you His peace.” Numbers 6:24-26

 

 

wider and wider

     I don’t want to waste any more time scrambling for applause (especially my own). I want to enjoy being me. 

     I don’t want to be closed and cramped. I want to open wider and wider with each passing hour.

     I’ve been practicing.

     Each early June morning, I bring one magnolia blossom inside. I enjoy it all day. I enjoy everything about it – the fragrance and the softness and the white and the wonder of its opening wider and wider with each passing hour.

     I never say it’s not enough.

     It is God’s handiwork.

     So am I.

     Thank You.

“Each of us is God’s handiwork. . . .” Ephesians 2:10

"A rabbi named Zusha died and went to stand before the judgment seat of God. As he waited for God to appear, he grew nervous. He began to imagine that God was going to ask him, 'Why weren’t you Moses or why weren’t you Solomon or why weren’t you David?' But when God appeared, the rabbi was surprised. God simply asked him, 'Why weren’t you Zusha?'" an Hasidic story

a kinder voice

     Inwardly, I have been racing for a long, long time.

     I have listened to the voice inside that says things like ‘you should be doing it better’ and ‘you should be doing something else right now’ and ‘look at what So-and-So has done.’ When I pay attention to this voice, I feel stretched and worn, tense and torn. I feel guilty about doing the things that make my heart sing, because there is always a long list of shoulds. Rest is an as-soon-as thing -- always just around the next corner.

     Lately, I have started listening to another voice inside. It is a kinder voice. It says things like ‘relax and enjoy this conversation’ and ‘that’s enough work for now’ and ‘it’s okay to just be where your feet are.’ When I pay attention to this voice, the anxious thoughts roll off like water off a duck’s back. I can rest (even when I’m working hard), which lets the people around me rest, too.

     I’m learning to be at home right-now (which is really the only place one can be at home).

“Love others as you love yourself.” Galatians 5:14

finding Ollie

     Ollie is scared of storms. Yesterday he got so scared that he ran out of his yard and across a busy street. A kind man found him and petted him and told him it would be okay. He said, ‘Don’t worry, boy. I will help you find your home.’

     Ollie’s parents were scared, too. They couldn’t find him. They looked and looked, but there was no sign of him. Then they got an email saying that somebody had found a dog, and the email had a picture of Ollie. They said, ‘Thank heavens for kind neighbors.’

     Ollie is home now. He isn’t scared any more, and neither are his parents. They are happy now. The man who found Ollie is happy, too.

     That is good news.

     It is a reminder, in this bad-news world, that good things (like love and joy and kindness) are still growing all around you. 

“God brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard – things like love and joy and . . . kindness. . . .” Galatians 5:22

toward becoming whole

     For a long time, I couldn’t see a lot of my frailties and failures. I wasn’t hiding them. I just couldn’t see them. I couldn’t afford to.

     Lately they’ve been coming out of hiding. Little by little, things that have crouched and shivered inside me for a long time are coming out into the light.

     I can bear them now. I can welcome them gently because my friends see them, too, and they welcome them gently.

     I laugh a lot more now. I can afford to.

“Expose my shame where it shivers, / crouched behind the curtain of propriety, / until I can laugh at last / through my common frailties and failures, / laugh my way toward becoming whole.” Ted Loder

“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear.” John 16:12 

treasuring

     I have a friend who practices treasuring other people. It isn’t just some vague notion that he should treasure other people; it’s a solid, rubber-meets-the-road practice of treasuring them.

     He practices it every day with every person he meets. He looks for what is good and whole and unique and beautiful (which doesn’t give him much time for other things, like envy and indifference). He stores up all the treasuring, and then at night (or the next morning) he visits each person again – enjoying her and saying thank-you for her and asking God to bless her.

     I have a hunch that this practice of treasuring who other people are frees him, little by little, to treasure who he is -- and that in itself is treasure untold.

“Humility is the willingness to be who I am.” Steve Macchia

“[I]n humility, value others. . . .” Philippians 2:3